can't believe i'm here <<open>>

[jessica love caper]

jessica love caper stood in the lobby of kayson academy. she couldn’t believe that she was still here. she knew that she deserved to be here. she was after all, a druggie. she was sent here to get over her addiction. all it did was make it worse for her. she longed for some kind of high. she also couldn’t understand Simms. they always fought. caper, as she was sometimes called, wasn’t one for fights. she just couldn’t help herself. he got on her nerves so much. but she just couldn’t understand him. she was always being mean to him, but he kept coming back.

she shook her head a little and sat on a bench. she sighed a little and looked at the ceiling. she didn’t know if she was going to be doing anything today. she was zoned out. her skin had a pale-ish look to her skin at the moment. she wanted some weed. Good kron or something, anything to make this feeling go away. she couldn’t help but think of the person who got her into this mess. her step-father. sick bastard caper thought, feeling tears enter her eyes. she couldn’t cry. she didn’t want to. but she felt the tears roll down her eyes and cheek. this was one of the first time she let herself cry. more out of pain of the loss of her high. she couldn’t be crying because of him, could she?

She shook her head to clear her tears. She just couldn’t cry because of johnathan. That child-raping-mother-f**ker. He ruined her life and made her the way she is. But she loved the high she got from drugs. They made life seem perfect. They took her pain away. and they made her life seem better. they helped her forget about johnathan and what he did to her. couldn’t he understand what he did to her. couldn’t he understand that he hurt her more than anything could have hurt her in this life.

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[ariana nicole benett]

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MORE DAMAGE A SMALL PRICE TO PLACE[/font]
for bulding houses out of matchsticks.[/color][/font]
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ariana made her way past the crowd of students in the hallway, silently wishing that they didn't let themselves get distracted by the recent disturbance. it seemed that some student thought it would be cool to taunt the security guards to the point where they had to wrestle him down just so he could stop. most found it amusing, but ariana thought it was extremely stupid. of course she found her classmates mental capacity to be quite low, so she didnt find it strange that they found amusement in another person's ridiculous attempt to fit in. sure, at some point she had yearned for these students to notice her, until she realized that she didn't need to try so hard. for that, ariana could not blame the kid, she had been there afte all. anyways, she pushed her way trhough the crowd, letting a sigh of relief out as soon as she was able to escape it. ariana hated crowds with an intensity, it had something to do with there being little air to breath and too many people slowly taking up her air. it was funny once you thought about it, but once you were in that situation, it was the opposite.

anyways she walked out of the math department, glad that she was done with her classes for the day, and headed straight for the lobby. her parents had promised that they would visit today, and ariana had been waiting for classes to end all day. in the end she knew she would end up crying, this wasn't the first time her parents had promised they would visit. they had raisen her hopes up everytime, nd each one of those times they had not even bothered to show up. ariana knew they loved her, but it was hard for them to make time to leave their work with a fake excuse. not many people knew about ariana's condition, and her parent's wanted to keep it that way. they lied and said she went to a boarding school so that when she returned she could have her old life back, before the incident happened that is. of course at this rate it seemed that ariana was never getting out. and why would she? unlike many students, she loved being her. home reminded her of her uncle and the acts of perversion he had committed. everything here felt sop much better, cleaner too.

the one thing she had missed, was her parents. they called daily and always sent presents and little knick-knacks but if they came through, they would actually visit. ariana could not wait. she practically ran to the lobby, getting a few yells for the nurses that she had bumped into on the way. she disreguarded their complaints with another graceful step foward, never stopping until she reached the lobby. by this point she was wiped out, but it took a few seconds to catch her breath and return to normal. she looked around the lobby, taking notice of the new attendee at the front desk and a girl as well. ariana had never really seen her before, which was strange seeing as she knew almost everyone, or at least knew who they were. she was quite curious about the girl, especially since she saw a few tears on her cheeks. she walked closer, knowing that she could take time to at least talk to her. her parents were almost always late, when theys howed up to places that is. "are you okay"[/color] ariana asked, unsure if she was bothering her.
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POST STATUS:[/color] complete, yo (:.
TEMPLATE CREDIT TO:[/color] sydknee says!
BANNER CREDIT TO:[/color] me. bleh
LYRICS CREDIT TO:[/color] running from lions - all time low
ROLEPLAYING WITH:[/color] jessica.
WHERE WE AT?:[/color] lobby.
WORD COUNT:[/color] six hundred
LOOKING LIKE:[/color] outfit<3
NOTES:[/color] lame i know. sorry this took long.
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[jessica love caper]

jess noticed a girl walk in. carefully wiping her eyes she said, “yeah. Just thinking about why i’m here. never a good thing to think really.” she didn’t know who this girl was, but had seen her around school. perhaps she would get a friend, but caper knew better. once people found out about her past, they looked at her differently. Like she was some kind of sap that needed their sympathy. she didn’t need or want anyone’s sympathy. it made her feel awkward and out of place. something she hadn’t felt for a long time. she wondered if things were changing.

shaking her head she said, “forgive my manners. i’m jessica, but everyone calls me caper.” she wanted to at least have someone other than simms she talked to. even with him she was closer than anyone else. like she enjoyed his company. but she didn’t, did she? she was confused with the whole simms/her love hate relationship, as some called it. she called a simply hate relationship. she didn’t hate him entirely, just some of the things he does. like giving her advice when she didn’t ask for it, or staying by her side whenever he can. She didn’t understand him at all.

“what brings you to kayson?” caper asked, scooting over a little on the bench. she had taken root at the dead center and hadn’t thought of moving till now. she was hoping that her mother would come this time. she had said she would try, if johnathan would let her. caper knew all to well that johnathan wouldn’t let her mother see her. he thought that caper was a bad seed and didn’t deserve to be claimed as their child. of course she wasn’t johnathan’s daughter. she was maria susanana’s and that wasn’t going to change. caper knew that. she hoped her mother could get away, but didn’t let her hopes get to worked up. no use in hoping for something that wouldn’t happen.

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[ariana nicole benett]

[/font]
MORE DAMAGE A SMALL PRICE TO PLACE[/font]
for bulding houses out of matchsticks.[/color][/font]
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ariana was always unsure when it came to speaking to new people, mostly because she thought she was being a bother just by talking to them. she pressed her fingers to her mouth, biting the already bitten fingernails. now she was just biting at the skin, a habit she had developed since coming here. she found that it help her calm down for some odd reason. anyways she studied the girl careful, hoping that she wouldnt notice arina's eyes on her. she was quite thin with brown hair and a pretty face. she seemed nice but ariana had learned not to judge people by their apperances, that was mistake number one here at kayson. it took ariana a good three minutes realize that the girl had spoken. "i'd have to agree with that"[/color]she said, adding a shy smile. of course it was impossible not to think in a place like this, it was especially made for the student to think about what brought them here. quite tragic once you thought about it. ariaian played idly with the necklace on her throat as she waited for her to speak again. she hadn't even noticed that she had forgotten to tell her, her own name until she said hers.

"oh hey jessica, im ariana but you can call me anything" [/color]ariana said. for some odd reason she preferred calling people by their first name when she got to know them, it wasn't until afterward that she chose some random little nickname. ariana always thought that she would forget someone's name if she began using a nickname at first. it was the curse of having the attention span of a four - year old. sure, she wasn't the first person to be like that but she had could never really hide it either. she pushed her light blonde hair behind her ear, before answering. it was another small habit that just kept her hands busy. it was harder to answer this question because some people wondered why someone would ever want to kill themselves. she never said the whole story of how it happened so many guessed that she had no reason to do it, in their eyes she had the perfect life. "i tried to kill myself" [/color]she said in a soft, almost whispered voice, letting her gaze stay on the floor instead of on jessica. ariana was afraid of the reaction she might get, so she moved her arm so that the scars were not visible.

ariana only removed her gaze from the floor to look around for any signs of her parent.s it wasn't that she wanted to stop speaking to jessica but she felt like jessica's opinion of her was completely soiled. unfortunately her parents were nowhere in sight and ariana was sure that they wouldn't show up... again. she didn't even bother getting teary - eyed, she was used to this already. their business asociates probably didn't even let them take a few minutes to visit her. she didn't let any signh of sadness show, she believed she already made a bad impression on jessica, she didn't want to look like an emotional wreck as well. "how about you?" [/color]ariana asked curiously. usually she wouldn't have asked about a person's "problem" but since jessica had asked her first, she thought it would be okay to ask as well. ariana tried guessing but there were no scars on her arm and she didn't look deathly but she didn't bother to cross a chance of being suicidal or have an eating disorder out. "oh you dont have to go into specifics i just wanted to know and yeah.."[/color]she added.

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POST STATUS:[/color] complete, yo (:.
TEMPLATE CREDIT TO:[/color] sydknee says!
BANNER CREDIT TO:[/color] me. bleh lame editing
LYRICS CREDIT TO:[/color] running from lions - all time low
ROLEPLAYING WITH:[/color] jessica love caper.
WHERE WE AT?:[/color] kayson academy lobby =D.
WORD COUNT:[/color] six hundred and twnety seven
LOOKING LIKE:[/color] outfit<3 lol i couldn't find anything else xD
NOTES:[/color] another lame post, eh mah muse is bleh
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[jessica love caper]

Jessica listened as Ariana spoke. She knew not to judge people by looks. Carefully she looked ariana over. She had light blonde hair and really pretty eyes. Caper heard that ariana tried to kill herself and she said, “bad life, huh? Me too. But I’m here because I’m a druggie.” She answered two of her questions in one. She wondered if she should tell ariana about her past. maybe if she opened up a little, then people would befriend her more. She sighed and said, “you probably don’t want to here about it. it’s a long story.” She wanted to give ariana the opportunity to choose as to whether or not she wanted to hear about things. She didn’t easily open up to people because she was afraid of seeming to pushy. She grinned a little as the clock chimed noon. Her mother wasn’t going to show up. she never did.

“parents gonna come see you?” Caper asked, knowing that most students came here when parents were gonna visit. But she knew that most got their hearts broken by their parents a lot of the time. like caper did the first few weeks she was here and her mother said she was going to come see her. she never did. And she never would. Caper knew this all to well. She hated her mother for this, but she still loved her mother. She couldn’t help it, if it wasn’t for jonathan and his blasted influence over her mother, her mother would come. She knew this all to well. As did jonathan. That’s why he kept her mother from caper everytime she said she would visit. Sighing a little she said, “I’ll stick with your name. its easier to remember.” She often called people by only their name.

She grinned a little as a couple of other students entered the lounge. They were probably waiting for their parents too. Like caper was, and ariana was probably. She couldn’t understand her mother sometimes. Everyonce in a while she would come. But it was always for a very short time. like a few minutes when most parents stayed for hours. It made her feel left out when she saw this stuff. It made her heart ache with the pain of her mother not coming. She felt fresh tears enter her eyes and she shook her head to clear it. she wouldn’t cry again. She mustn’t. it made her feel week.

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[ariana nicole benett]

[/font]
MORE DAMAGE A SMALL PRICE TO PAY[/font]
for building houses out of matchsticks.[/color][/font]
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ariana held her breath, afraid of what jessica's reaction might be. although it was stupid for people to judge others, a countless amount of them did it either way. this might have been a school unlike any other but that didn't change that it was a school, and a high school at that. all the fighting, drama, and judging followed. it wasn't like they couldn't' escape it, even if they tried. and trust me when i say that ariana tried as hard as anyone. after all she wouldn't have been here if she hadn't tried to escape the drama and emotional turmoil she had felt after the incident. her uncle had believed that she would just get over the rape and move on, but he had not been the one that was violated. he had been a part of it, yes, but he didn't have to be afraid to get too close to anyone in fear that the same thing might happen twice. it killed her to know that her uncle had never admitted to being the cause of her suicide attempt but what else could you expect from a rapist? anyways she kept letting her thoughts go all over the place, which made her ignore jessica for a few seconds. seconds might not be significant to other people, but to ariana every second counts. yes, she was quite strange but what else could you expect from her. to be normal? as if that was likely to happen.

moving on, she was glad when jessica didn't really ask anything to personal. most wanted to know why she had tried to kill herself, not knowing that it was a sensitive subject. after all you just didn't kill yourself as a fun activity. well some people might have tried it just because of that, but they were stupid in ariana's point of view. at least have a reason, you can't just throw your life away because you thought it would be a fun experience. okay, she wasn't one to talk since her reason wasn't enough. she should have just gotten over it but it was hard. some might have found it easy to let everything out, but she found it was easier to hold all the feelings in and unleash them at the very end of her life. that didn't work, but at least she had given it a try. "not really a bad life, just a bad experience. ah i guess we all cope in different ways" ariana said, it was simple answer but she didn't want to go into much detail, or ask jessica to go into detail for that matter. still she was glad when jessica subtlety hinted that. she was curious to know, and at least now she was her permission to know. "we have time, and i would like to hear about it... sorry if that sounds like im prying" she added, with a shy smile. her smile wavered a bit by that question, but she answered anyways.

"im not sure... they said they would but they're probably too caught up with work. how about yours? "[/color] ariana said. she didn't like going into detail about her parents. they were good people, and they loved her but she was afraid that at this point they regretted adopting her. she used to be so perfect and now it was like she ruined their image of her. ariana was no longer the golden child and it killed her. they gave her everything she could have wanted in life, and she repaid them with this. she hated herself sometimes. she smiled, her adored her name. it was the only thing given to her by her real mother, and it was unique. maybe her birth mother had known her."are you okay"she asked, the concerned tone in her voice quite obvious. she had noticed that jessica eyes had began watering, and she was concerned. god, it sounded like she was her parent or something but she always spent countless hours worrying when she wasn't supposed to about dumb stuff, so imagine how she would have felt about this. plus, they were kind of friends.... right?
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POST STATUS:[/color] complete, yo (:.
TEMPLATE CREDIT TO:[/color] sydknee says!
BANNER CREDIT TO:[/color] me. bleh lame editing
LYRICS CREDIT TO:[/color] running from lions - all time low
ROLEPLAYING WITH:[/color] jessica love caper.
WHERE WE AT?:[/color] kayson academy lobby =D.
WORD COUNT:[/color] seven hundred and twelve
LOOKING LIKE:[/color] outfit<3 lol i couldn't find anything else xD
NOTES:[/color] sorry i took long but ive been sick
and yeahh -.- anywayyss i actually like this post (:
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[jessica love caper]

Caper smiled when Ariana said she didnt want to pry. Why did people think they were prying when they asked questions? Caper didnt mind people asking questions, as long as it wasnt all the time. People who constantly asked questions pryed. Caper sighed when she said she would like to hear her story. "Well," Caper said, deciding to start at the beginning, "My father passed away when i was really young. Then my mom started dating this guy name Johnathan. He's a jerk. Any ways when i turned 11, my stepfather started to rape me. I knew that i wouldn’t be able to tell anyone, because he'll just lie and get away with it. so i started to take more time in school getting help with my homework. my teachers thought that i just wanted to learn more. i knew i was doing it so i didn’t have to go home.

Well, he never stopped. So i took to doing drugs to hide my pain from people. I got caught stealing from him and arrested. So i came here." She sighed again and layed her head back on the bench before saying, "My mom tries to visit me, but johnathan wont let her. Sometimes i hope that she gets away from him. Just for a moment. But i gave up hoping along time ago. So i just sit here and wait to see if she's here." Caper shrugged her jacket off and tied it around her waist. It had gotten hot in the lobby entrance.

[ariana nicole benett]

[/font]
MORE DAMAGE A SMALL PRICE TO PAY[/font]
for building houses out of matchsticks.[/color][/font]
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ariana had been so used to people trying to pry into her life, always wanting to know why she would want to kill herself or why she acted the way she did. she honestly hated it, and it was hard for ariana to hate anything. she was usually okay with almost anything, as annoying as that might have been at time, but she preferred to have people stay out of her life, or at least have them find a less rude way to pry. not like prying wasn't rude in general, but it all depended on how people looked at it, right? ariana didn't really mind, if they were being cordial about it and making sure she was okay with them prying, but others just asked questions and got frustatred when she refused to answered. and since she got bothered by it, she believed others were the same way, maybe even worse than how she was about it, luckily, jessica didnt seem to be to upset about it, seeing as she told ariana part of why she was here. as soon as jessica finished tlking, ariana felt a pang of guilt. she had never been used to having a father, or step-father in her case, that was a jerk. sure, her real father was a moron that made it so that ariana was taken away from her real mother, but at least he wasn't completely vile.

and her foster father was quite kind, although he probably felt upset with having an adoptive daughter that tried to kill herself. but who wouldn't right? she knew he still loved her all the same. but jessica's father was just so mean. when jessica spoke about rape, ariana tensed up quickly, she knew first hand what that was like. it might not have been her foster dad who did it, but it was her uncle. technically, not blood related but she had always thought of him as family. he had been her favorite uncle after all. she had felt so violated, and repulsed by the mere thought of being in her own body, let alone her own room. ariana wished she could make jessica feel better, but she had no idea how. if she did, then she would have felt a hell of a lot better a long time ago. "i know exactly how you feel... my uncle raped me. as for your parents, they dont visit either.... its usually their work stopping them, at least thats what i believe"[/color] ariana said. or at least thats what she wanted to believe. many people have told her that they just wanted to forget about her but that couldnt be it. they had always been so loving and caring, and so many good things.

"dont give up on your mom, she's just weak. not like weak in a sense that she cant walk or anything, but emotionally. jonathan has a control over her. maybe she just doesnt want to be alone or something. god, i know i sound like the therapist, but i just dont want you to be sad.... who knows one day she just might show up. and if you'd like i could wait here with you whenever you want" ariana added. she knew that if she was jessica she would hate being alone. she wanted to be there for her, because jessica seemed to be one of the few people that ariana understood, even if just a little. in this mere hour, maybe less ariana was unsure, they had bonded. it sounded extremely stupid, but ariana was a sucker for those types of friendships. it was strange considering she didnt open up to people that well, and she had confided in jessica that she had been raped as well. she looked at jessica and smiled, hoping things were better.
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POST STATUS:[/color] complete, yo (:.
TEMPLATE CREDIT TO:[/color] sydknee says!
BANNER CREDIT TO:[/color] me. bleh lame editing
LYRICS CREDIT TO:[/color] running from lions - all time low
ROLEPLAYING WITH:[/color] jessica love caper.
WHERE WE AT?:[/color] kayson academy lobby =D.
WORD COUNT:[/color] six hundred and forty-four
LOOKING LIKE:[/color] outfit<3 i couldn't find anything else xD
NOTES:[/color] sorry i took long and sorry this post is
bad :/ oh you might want to keep in mind that
minimum word count is 300 words
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