(YOU'RE SO LAST SUMMER)

[cecilia marie wright]

im sorry for the nights i let you down now
ALL THAT'S LEFT TO SEE IS THAT I'VE TURNED AROUND

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cecilia breathed in deeply, taking a break from her current activity. it only took a few seconds to catch her breath, but it took her a while longer to go back to what she was doing. she knew it was wrong, and she knew that she had made a promise to her siblings that this would end, but it was too hard. they didn't understand that cecilia didn't want to be skinny, she needed to be skinny. she needed to make herself beautiful or else she would just end up being a waste of space. this thought made it possible for her to regain the courage to continue with the task at hand. she eased her finger down her throat, resisting the urge to pull back before-hand, and spilled out the contents of that morning's breakfast. she heaved once more before flushing for the last time. it took cecilia a few moments to regain the last amount of strength she had left, this always took alot out of her. she mustered up as much strength as she could and stood up, using the towel rack to hold herself up. cecilia took a glance at the mirror, only to turn away in disgust. she still looked like a pig, she couldn't understand how the doctors could think she was underweight, were they blind to the large amount of fat that cecilia bared.

of course only cecilia seemed to see that, truth be told anyone else that took a look at her would be shocked. it appeared as if she didn't have any meat on her body, just bones. still for some odd reason cecilia saw it differently. obviously it was because of her bulimia nervosa, but i wont go into greater detail. anyways, cecilia washed her hands and brushed her teeth repeatedly, making sure that she got the vomit taste out of her mouth so that her doctor wouldn't suspect a thing. she spent fifteen minutes just fixing herself up, paranoid as too whether anyone would notice or not. this was a weekly activity, or daily depending on how much food cecilia took in. she stepped out of the bathroom and let out a relieved sigh. although she felt weak everything she purged, it felt good to stop worrying about how much more weight she would gain. she moved toward her bed and laid down, considering the idea of taking a quick nap before heading down to meet up with her friends, but her stomach had other ideas. it let out a deep grumble, which could have wake her roommates if they had been in the room as well. she glanced at her stomach, surprised that it had even made a sound.

she was used to the empty feeling in her stomach but for some strange reason she felt a worse pain. for a second cecilia thought about eating but she disregarded the thought immediately. she didn't purge just so that she could eat immediately afterwards, that completely ruined the purpose of even puking in the first place. another groan escaped her stomach, but this time it brought a pain along with it. she stifled a groan before getting up quickly and making her way down to the mess hall. she had gone too far again and she knew it. now she would definitely have to keep her food down or else her doctor was going to start giving her another lecture on how she had to stop this for the sake of the people that loved her. cecilia never really cared though, in her mind she believed that if they loved her then they would let her do what made her happy. of course she knew that it was stupid to think this, who would be happy with their daughter/sister puking to loose weight. this long train of thought continued as cecilia made her way through the double wide doors and into the mess hall, which was empty for once. a part of her was kind of elated.

she hated when the other girls saw her eating, she could always feel them watching her and talking about how much weight she would gain. cecilia wished she could scream at them, apologize for not being as beautiful as they were. okay so not all of them were that pretty or anything like that, but in cecili'a s eyes, anyone here was better than her. she shook away those thoughts as she stood in line, grabbing the food with the least amount of calories before heading over to the closest table. she still felt a bit weak so she had to be even more careful than usual. she placed her tray on the table, and sat down. she grabbed the apple and took a small bite, forcibly chewing it before letting it slide down her throat. god, this is torture...cecilia thought, before taking another bite. it took much more strength to eat than it had taken for her to get up after her puking session. still she had to at least appear as if she was enjoying this because any little thing that appeared out of the ordinary would be reported, and cecilia didn't need extra sessions with her therapist. so she sat ion her chair like a good girl and waited for someone to distract her before she convinced herself to leave.

[color=8ba7ff][b]your dialogue[/b][/color]


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TAGGED ?! anyone cool ;P
STATUS ?! done, yo!
WORDS ?! 903 (please try to write something close to this)
OUTFIT ?! outfit.
LOCATION ?! mess hall
LYRICS ?! over the years - nevershoutnever
PLAYING ?! wake up - three days grace
NOTES ?! this is pretty lame but i needed to make some posts xD
and like was said up there, please try to write that uch because
i dont want this post to go to waste. sorry if its too much but at least 500 words
would make me happy (:
CREDIT ?! _and_heartsxx of CAUTION![/center][/color]

[dakota harlow winters.]

Paint was, in Dakota's opinion, a wonderful little creation - especially when you wanted to make a mess and get on the nerves of nearly every staff member of the rehab center that you were currently shacked up in. She was also the kind of person who believed that whatever she thought was right, not really giving a crap about what anybody else had to say about how she lived her life. Three cheers for having a care-free way of seeing life? After spending yesterday bored out of her brightly-haired little mind, she had decided that she was going to prevent the same from happening again today. So she had gone into town and bought, yes, several pots of paint. Washable paint, just in case she was made to scrub the walls afterwards - if they could actually prove that she was the one who had done it - or in case she got any on her clothes. That would kinda give her game away, wouldn't it? Walking around with paint stains on her clothes, sheesh. Sometimes she wondered if she was one of the only people with any common sense anymore, after seeing some of the stupid stunts that people in her old school used to pull, never bothering to hide or get rid of anything that would point all fingers to them. But that, that was a completely different story; so lets just forget about that completely now. Right?

Green eyes studied the array of colours that were now splattered around the hallway in front of her and a small smile fell up on her rosy lips. Amazingly, this was probably the best time that she'd had since she had been dumped in this hell hole. Whilst sober, at least. From day one of being here, everything had just looked like one big black and white photograph; grey scale. It had been starting to really get on her nerves recently, it made a pleasant change to see so many different colours in one place for the first time in a while. Everything was so bland. Much too bland for her liking. Her pale hand picked up what was left of the several pots of paint, deciding that it was easier to just dump them in a bin because there was barely anything left in them and she couldn't see them coming in for much use later. Now, she just needed to get rid of the paint pots; wash her hands of any abnormal colours; maybe change her clothes and then... Her train of thought was interrupted by the sound of her stomach rumbling, which apprently meant she was going to go and get food or sorts after. The cafeteria here wasn't exactly great, her old school used to serve pizza and all sorts every single day. Here, it amazed the red head that her 'food' (so that's what they called it these days, eh?) didn't crawl of her plate and try to make a break for it.

She studied the walls for a few more moments, impressed by her own handiwork, before walking away in the direction of the dorms. Dakota deposited the empty bottles of paint in the first trash can that she happened to walk past - which actually took a little more looking for than one would think - before carrying on to the girl's dorms. There wasn't much paint on her clothes, if any at all, but her deep red, three-quarter-length sleeve shirt was making her elbows itch. She was never the kind of person who fussed too much about what she wore; most of her outfits were decided on in the morning just by reaching into her wardrobe and pulling out the first thing that her hand happened to touch. If she really didn't like the look of something then she wouldn't wear it, but often she was a lazy little so-and-so. Once or twice she had walked around with two odd shoes on because she was too lazy to find a matching pair. Most of her clothes were ones that she had bought before she came here, when she was, as she called it; 'back home'. She wondered what her parents actually thought of her these days, whether they even remembered that they had a daughter. Maybe they were happy to be rid of her now, or they thought about her all of the time and wondered how she was doing. For just one day she wanted to be invisible and see how they lived. . . But she was strange like that. Even when she wasn't intoxicated with drugs, alcohol and goodness knows what else.

After finally making it to her dorm room, Dakota actually for changed. She was, admittedly, rather easily distracted by even the simplest of things and she also just liked to annoy one or two people however possible whenever she saw them. These things took time! Nobody she spoke to mentioned the mass of paint in one of the corridors but come to think of it, she didn't even have a full conversation with that many people. She wondered if any of the staff members had seen it, smirking slightly as she tried to image the expressions on their faces. It almost made her a little upset that she hadn't been there to witness it. Perhaps it's karma, or some mumbo-jumbo crap like that, she thought, adjusting the black hat on her head and walking out of her dorm. She liked to shop, oui, but it was hard to say that she liked 'fashion'. Whose job was it to decide what looked good and what didn't? But that wasn't the point, it had nothing to do with the point. It didn't take long to get to the mess hall but she did walk quickly, even with legs as small as her's. She stood boredly in the line - who knew there were so many kids here - and picked up something that looked like pizza... She just hoped that it actually was and not some genetically modified something-or-other. That covered the food element of things, now was just finding somewhere to sit. Oh dear. Dakota studied all the faces sitting at tables, raising an eyebrow at anybody who dared to meet her gaze. The longer she stood there, the harder it was getting to look like she didn't care at all about the fact that she had nowhere to sit. Walking swiftly over to the table, she sat down a few chairs down from a brunette girl eating an apple.

All she could hope now was that this wouldn't ask any irritating questions. She hadn't lashed out at anybody for a while and she was being praised for the first time in a long time, about how she was 'finally learning to keep her fists under control'. Something like that. That was amazing, really, because for the first time in what seemed like a long time; there looked like a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe.

tagged ! cecilia
outfit ! click.
word count ! 1,117. longer than I thought.
status ! done. fiiinally.
image&layout ! icons from hollow art but edited by me. full image is mine.
lyrics ! decode by paramore.
music ! in pursuing design by versaemerge.
ooc notes ! i'm not sure whether myself or dakota class as 'cool' but, yeah. sorry the ending sucks.

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[cecilia marie wright]

im sorry for the nights i let you down now
ALL THAT'S LEFT TO SEE IS THAT I'VE TURNED AROUND

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being thin was more than appearing thin. if cecilia wanted to, she could have looked much skinnier than she was at the moment. clothes did that too you. cecilia measuered weight in something a little different, which was her face. every time she looked at the mirror and saw the same chubby cheeks she has had ever since she was a young girl, made her wish she were dead. what was the point of appearing thin from her body, if her face made her look like some fat, slobby, and ugly girl.

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TAGGED ?! dakotaaa harlow winterss!
STATUS ?! not done D:
WORDS ?! -- --- --
OUTFIT ?! outfit.
LOCATION ?! mess hall
LYRICS ?! over the years - nevershoutnever
PLAYING ?! eris and dysnomia - a skylit drive
NOTES ?! gah sorry i havent finished =( but mah muse died a little. i love you for writing so much and of course dakotaa is cool because she has an awesome pb =D
CREDIT ?! _and_heartsxx of CAUTION!

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